Mother's Day difficult when grieving loss of child

By Victoria Porter
Daily Times Correspondent

"This is a group no one wants to belong to," the leader of the meeting said.

Yet, here I was, sitting at a table and seeing my look of disbelief at being a member mirrored on the faces of the others gathered.

I attended the meeting at the urging of my physician during my first visit after moving to Maryville from Mississippi in September. I decided to finally go because, as Mother's Day and the first anniversary of my daughter's death approached, I felt my emotional descent as if sliding toward a dark hole.

I came for support among the only people that really understand what I am feeling, other parents and family members who have lost a child.

Compassionate Friends, a support group that gathers the last Monday of each month at the Blount Memorial Hospital, is the local chapter in the national support organization that offers friendship, understanding and hope to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age.

We discussed common problems we all experienced and suggested coping skills that have helped through the grief process.

A common theme that caused all our hearts to ache was that our child is not talked about by loved ones and family members. We realize it is because others have no idea what to say and it may make us cry, but keep talking, because we need to know that you have not forgotten our child.

We also discussed our faith and, I admit, I have struggled with my faith since losing my baby. Some have relied on faith to get through the difficult times but I have found myself angry at God. Although I am still on my journey of understanding, my faith has matured and I have come to realize God is here to help me through this life, the good and the bad; not to give me what I want.

I went to the meeting to see if my feelings that everything in my life was muted, especially my joy, were "normal." To my relief, I found we were all experiencing similar confusing emotions. I was comforted when another mother said she did not know what she was interested in anymore.

I look forward to the day my excitement about life returns. I know it will because I want to live life with more joy and passion in honor of my daughter and I now realize there is not a time limit to my grief process.

On Mother's Day, call someone you know that has lost a child and share your happy memories of that person with her. It will be the best Mother's Day gift you have ever given.

My daughter, Cooper Catharine Porter, was stillborn in the ninth month of pregnancy in June 2007.